We did it.
The night before delivered excrutiating pain of the bad kind and it had a tremendous staying power. It felt like i had a pinched nerve and shooting pains all day. i was exhausted as well and feeling bad because i know that when i don’t sleep well, Sir Raven doesn’t either.
It was difficult just hauling half of the laundry to the laundry mat, which sounds pitifal but it happens to be true. The pinched nerve stems from a serious car wreck and is mid back so carrying, bending, twisting, stairs and breathing is all bad when it acts up.
i managed to get the laundry done and put up and made it to the the train station early. i didn’t forget her canes and rods, thank God. i ran into a convenience store for a bottle of water and some chocolate kisses incase either of us needed it. We were a good seven or so blocks in the rain away from the new meeting place and stopped for a slice of pizza.
We talked for a bit and i was just happy to be near her again after what had been a difficult pain day.
She is a good teacher, an excellent performer and presenter. So i was not at all surprised by her apparent ease at any of these things. What i was surprised by was the teeny tiny size of the room. i was clausterphobic before the room was half full, before the presentation even started.
She spoke well and then i opened my mouth and words came out. My mind didn’t go blank. i spoke from the heart, which is exactly what Sir Raven said she wanted to have happen. i can’t even say what i said. i was so hot and uncomfortable and acutely aware of the lack of windows and too little space. i could have seriously reached out and touched the front row from the massage table. i have never even publically played with strangers that close to my body. But no matter.
The ha, ha funny thing is i distinctly heard someone from the audience remarking that i was hardly reacting and surprise that she was still caning me.
There is a reason for that. An excellent reason. i had no idea Sir Raven was capable of hitting me so softly. Well…for her…and for us….it was timid. Partially because she lacked the room to swing and i think the people being so close was strange for her as well. In fact, at one point, i sort of swung my head around fast because i was convinced that it wasn’t Sir Raven htiting me at all. Seriously, she has never used a cane so gently. That was the only surprise for me.
i would have been less surprised if she had commenced to spitting water all over me and welting me like she does at home. God Bless her.
i was happy that she is so good at putting people at ease. i admire that quality in her, that she is so passionate about what we do and teaching, that she will put her discomfort aside. She brings people into the conversation which is refreshing. i am always proud to be with her.
In the train station, she stopped and kissed me and told me she was proud. i would literally have done anything…..anything…..to have her feel proud of me. All i had to do was be myself, to be us, to speak from the heart.
i told her that i have never had anyone with me because they wanted me.
They didn’t have to want me to get my loyalty, dedication, hard work. She would get everything anyhow even if she saw no beauty in me. But she does. And it makes my world a profoundly different place because i am learning to see myself through her eyes.
i have changed in some really significant ways because of this. i am a person who has believed in people, believed in ideas and ideals, and put all of my strength behind it. To have someone really wanting all of that because they see me too, believe in me or what i can become too, is sort of a real true miracle.
i had no idea.
So, when she told me i did great and was proud of me, i did what i have been instructed to do.
i received it. i thanked her and received it.
All i really cared about was working to make sure she had the kind of experience she wanted.
It went well because of her honesty and generosity. It went well because of her practiced ease and our private jokes in the corner.
i really have no idea how i got so lucky in life. She is back in court today and sent me the sweetest email on her break. i just literally adore her.
Tomorrow, thank God, she has a day off to just relax.