The house was a little bit messy because i’ve been focusing on this last push of homework before this class is wrapped up. Yesterday was devoted almost entirely to two papers and today is all about padding my grade like its a delicate fabrige egg.
i don’t need to, an “A” is in the bag, but i can’t seem to help myself until i see the grade book. Plus, i have one more test to do before Sunday.
It’s been a few long days, sick days. i had started to wonder if the endless fever and pain was something else going on but whatever it is seems better today. i woke myself up talking in my sleep. At one point, i was pleading with her to make the pain stop, because apparently my inner child believes she can control everything. i hope she slept through it because it nauseates me when i turn into something remotely like a whiner. i can’t stand people who whine.
Sir Raven has told me to stay in and rest as much as i can the last couple of days. Yesterday, she noted that i was moving strangely. That happens, when it feels like my leg can (does) go out from underneath me, and i’m sort of wobbly. i don’t like that she has to deal with this stuff, i’d shield her from it if i could.
i think i can do All Things and feel a little pouty when i’m told to rest. Privately, of course. It is one example though of how control wins out over service around here. i’d have pushed through, one way or another, but am likely starting to get better because i obeyed and didn’t run myself into the ground.
i woke up late this morning, not until 8:30, and Sir Raven was at work already. i hate it when i end up sleeping in though she could wake me up if she wanted to, of course. i’m far happier when i wake up to make the coffee, or at least serve it before she has to leave.
It’s fifty degrees, raining, and windy here. So much for summer coming. Still, it’s a long weekend for us. Sir Raven said we might hide from the world. She mentioned wanting to take her time beating me, and that would be nice, i must admit.
i went out for wine, a whole chicken to roast and make chicken salad later, and some other groceries. i wanted to make sure we had some things in the house she likes, like her new favorite snack.
Last night, she came home and meticulously glued on about two hundred jeweled beads onto a graduation cap for someone she works with. This is one of the many reasons i love her. When i pointed that out, watching her work, she downplayed it, saying only that it was a craft and she enjoys being crafty.
She has been instrumental in helping this woman stay focused on her goals, has watched her blossom into a woman. i would say that she has been a mentor to her and her pride is clear in the glued on beads and the shadow box frame she gently placed the cap inside.
Sir Raven puts herself out there when she doesn’t have to and i love her for that quality.
Tonight, despite the lousy weather and knowing she would really rather be home, she is taking her coworker out to dinner to celebrate her graduation.
These are the things that fill me with tremendous pride in her. She knows being a Mentor means being there to listen to a person when they struggle, kicking them in the ass now and then, and celebrating when they make their goals.
i’m thinking about a comment i read, about how slaves seem to need physical reminders. i can’t seem to formulate my thoughts well enough to write on it. But i think the Dominant who wrote it is on to something. More later, maybe.