Control can manifest itself in ways one girl would never imagine.  Today, Sir Raven sat while i suffered through twenty minutes of booking the Amtrak tickets.  She decided we would travel by train, in a little room with bunk beds, rather than fly.  She hates to fly and the one airlines she doesn’t hate won’t fly to Atlanta.  

So, i had some sticker shock, to say the least.  The train was double the price of the filght.  

Sir Raven was quite blaze about the price.  She said things meant to soothe like, “We will eat in a dining car.  It will be nice.”

i was trying to not throw up and said unhelpful things like, “Honey, my first car didn’t cost this much” and “Babe, i could buy you a huge black diamond for cheaper than this.”  

i breathed through it and ordered the tickets.  This is damn sure not something i would have ever done on my own.  It’s one of those things on my Fantasy List like flying first class just one time, shopping at Tiffany’s, or owning a pair of Louboutin heels which i can’t imagine doing anything remotely like walking in.  😛

Anyhow. It was ordered and i did it.  

Later, we had some conversation about the one topic we just don’t see eye-to-eye on.  We just don’t.  We won’t.  And its a big deal to me to at least have her have a supportive attitude on the topic.  Her tone and general affect isn’t supportive, even when her words attempt it.

i got up and showered, which i do when i’m frustrated.  i was trying to be mindful, giving thanks for the teeny bit of warm water, how nice the shampoo smells.  i realized my little area for my things was getting full and saw that i had saved the dollar bottle of shampoo i purchased when my travel size stuff ran out a year ago.  

i’ve had time in life that i had to choose between toothpaste and toliet paper in life.  Still, i was surprised that i was still hoarding a bottle of shampoo that cost a dollar when SR saw it when i first purchased it and flatly informed me that i wouldn’t be using that crap in her house.

She was stunned, actually, that anyone would spend a dollar on shampoo.

Now, i have big bottles of special shampoo and conditioner with bamboo in it that she buys special for me in the mail.  

She nearly broke into applause when she saw my hands with various bottles, headed to the garbage can in the kitchen.  

It’s funny that i’ve held onto that stuff, but have never touched them to use them again after it was forbidden.

Sometimes, it’s spending an obscene amount of money and getting rid of hoarding junk that lets you know who is in control.

Later, i tried to lay down before heading out to do more laundry and errands and housework.  The dumb ass next door was yelling at someone and i think what i always think: people consider that the way i live is odd.  That slaves must be sick or weird or that it is just a sex thing.  Meanwhile, the slave next door thinks your yelling, anger, and pathological bullying is sick.  We are never over here yelling at each other or throwing things around.  We aren’t the deviant ones.  Not really.



2 thoughts on “Control

  1. aimlovelive says:

    I love your writing. Your Words hit me in so many ways. Thank you!

  2. jadescastle says:

    Thanks for commenting. 🙂 i’m glad you like our little blog.

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