Thoughts on rules

Karida asked me about my rules the other day and it led me to think about it a lot. Basically, what we have most of here is expectations. When those aren’t met the way Sir Raven intends, there are rules put in place to change the outcome.

The prime directive is to protect the property and comes before everything else except to serve the dynamic first.

So, if Sir Raven would like to have extra bottles of water in the house but i can’t carry them that day, i am protecting the property and it’s a perfectly valid reason to not do it.

Many rules, as i said, came about when she discovered i needed specific direction to follow an expectation. As a result, there are a lot of rules around my health because just telling me to take care of my health left me with too much wiggle room to avoid things like eating during the day, sleeping enough, or getting my meds before the 11th hour. Those things became rules.

Protocols and rituals help support the dynamic, overall, because they don’t exist independent of the other person and their ability to take that moment and notice. i can remember attending a Boot Camp for Tops and bottoms when the question of “what is a protocol?” left damn near everyone stymied. Suddenly, we were a group of forty strong afraid to raise our hands and give the wrong answer.

Sir Raven defines a protocol as “When X happens, do Y.”
So, i walk to her right side whenever we leave the house.
When i get off the train, i pause and wait for direction from her, even if i know where we are going.

Rituals support our dynamic, and while we don’t have a ton of them, they serve to bring us together and are my way of clearly showing her that i value her control.
Each day, i have an alarm on my phone, that we call the “get ready for Daddy!” alarm. It is set to give me a reminder an hour before her homecoming and one that is aligned with her leaving work. i check on the house, light altar candles, fix my make up and hair, shower again if i need to, meditate, and greet her with a kiss, chilled white wine and ice water.

i spend time sitting at her feet, offer her slippers, and listen to her day and am prepared to recite the details of my own day.

It brings us closer, in part because she knows exactly what to expect, and my focus is entirely on her.

I have morning, afternoon, and evening chores so my day is divided and gives me a chance for breaks, homework, exercise, and meditations. It also gives Sir Raven a predictable outcome because she knows if i plan on doing anything different, for example, needing to go to the pharmacy. She gives approval for unusual events, but otherwise i’m free to do my normal errands and chores.

i always thought that because each person is different, it didn’t make sense to create a one-size-fits-all approach to rules, protocols, or rituals. It makes sense to me that Sir Raven has a single vision, for example, for the Household to support the health and harmony of all members. There isn’t a way for the Household to enjoy good health is a single member isn’t healthy. The rules to support that health should vary according to what the member needs, even though the expectation is that all household members report their needs to the Master, at all times.

i have to report health issues, big or small, daily. Even when it bothered me when Sir Raven said i “complained more” in the humidity of the Summer months. i strive to never complain and it can be hard for me to just say i’m not feeling well because it feels like a complaint. So, it’s a rule to report, no matter what i feel about being polite and not mentioning that i feel like i’ve been run down in by a semi truck that day.

For someone else, it could be a rule to support their health by finding good health care or taking the time to journal every day. All of these things support the overall vision but keeps Sir Raven in control. A one size fits all approach tends to diminish the control of the Master and leaves little time to figure out what each person needs to align themselves to the vision of the Household.

Afterall, a Master doesn’t want to end up a slave to their own manual. 😛


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