“I’m the Decider” – Sir Raven

i walked the mile and a half or so to the pharmacy. i went into a shoe store because i’m needing some new shoes. i know Sir Raven’s basic parameters for shoes for me (check the tread, the heel needs to be a wedge type) but not well enough to buy them even if they can be returned if the Decider doesn’t approve. i’m tense walking the aisles, frustrated in an unfamiliar store, unable to see prices or find help. i leave without shoes.

She sent me out for bed sheets a few weeks ago and we were totally disappointed. i dug through TJ Maxx and found organic cotton, 500 thread count sheets at an excellent price. Delighted, i purchase them, along with some small things for Sir Raven. i found a great leather-bound book for note taking at MSC that reads “Notes for World Domination” on the cover. You have to have a sense of humor! 🙂
i leave everything in the bag, and i always feel a bit nervous somehow, awaiting her pronouncement that she will allow whatever i have bought. Until then, it sits in the bag, awaiting approval.

She is a person whose love languages are service and tokens, so it matters to me to choose well, and buy things she will really enjoy having. i found a really nice leather travel kit for her and our upcoming MSC trip.

i don’t often buy things unusual or not expressly needed for her or the house. She teases me when i do and i feel slightly embarrassed, even though i have spent time considering carefully if i think she will be pleased about everything i buy. Even the food or cleaning supplies or bath products. i buy for her sensibilities, smell preferences, rules on how many cleaning supplies i should have in the house at a time.

i was delighted beyond words that there is a Starbucks i can walk to now, and i was even happier that i had not gone over my three cup quota and could get a frappe. Fantastic.

My days are consumed with thoughts of her pleasure, her wishes, her rules, her. It is as it should be.
i doubt she realizes how much effort i put into the running of her home, adjusting my ideas of what is sensible or attractive to match hers. Because i’m always thinking about money, i often buy her tiny treats, and keep bits of her favorite chocolates and snacks by her chair. TJ Maxx may require a lot of digging but you can find very nice things so i’m glad it is there so i can get her treats that aren’t food or bought online. i never feel like i could do enough to show her the depth of my adoration and love. i make sure she knows and i know that my work and service communicate love to her. There is just no way to match my feelings and gratitude for her Mastery.

Every night, in bed, i thank her for something. Last night, i just told her that i’m a lucky woman, and i know it. 🙂

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