Wandering

My mind is wandering around today…lots of different topics i want to write about.

So, MAsT Metro is fantastic. It is the group that feels like family, even if you don’t always like everyone at the dinner table, everyone belongs. Sort of like The Breakfast Club but over sushi and sake. Lots and lots of sake, for some. Not that i’d name any names of anything. 😛

There was a really interesting conversation in the slave circle, especially when it came to if a Master can loose control and still be a Master.

i was a bit thrown off, and angry, to consider this thought. My Master is a wonderful Master for me. She wouldn’t be perfect for everyone and she isn’t arrogant enough to think she would be. What i would consider “loosing control” and another person would consider to be “loosing control” could be totally different things.

That being said, my God, Sir Raven is human. A man with clay feet, even if she is a good Man. Because she is a Master, she has continued to keep promises made to me, no matter the circumstances.

i need for her to be human because i am so hard on myself that it helps that i know she knows what it is to not be in control. Because i don’t have control and i need her to give me the grace to be human.

i assure you i am fully human.
i make mistakes.
i misunderstand what is wanted.
i have messed things up before because i was too focused at wanting to be perfect for her. My ideas of perfection don’t matter but hers do.

i appreciate the hell out of it that she will say she fucked up. i appreciate the hell out of it that i can say the same thing to her (albeit with nicer language) and we move on. Well, she punishes me, in part so i can forgive myself, and then we move on. Sometimes, hard play takes the place of that, when what we both need is to have our release.

Sometimes, we have to focus on gratitude, and our secure foundation.
i also see where we have both grown a great deal in the last year.
Last year, on her Spiritual Birthday, where we have her Elders in our home, i was so anxious about getting every detail perfectly that i created a lot of anxiety. This year, even though i know a lot of what to purchase, i worked on the house and then waited for her to dictate a list. i sat back and gracefully waited on her control of the situation. i didn’t add pressure with my, uh, persistence to please. Sir Raven is a fan of unobtrusive service based on only known desires. So, even though i am fussing on her, i am supposed to make it look like i’m not. Heh.

She fusses on me, sometimes quite openly. She doesn’t have to and i appreciate her caring.

Okay, i have to run and get several errands run today. It makes me so happy to be able to help even in small ways. ❤

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