This morning is unfolding slowly, like a lazy Sunday morning spent at home. We luxuriate in the day together. We have shared giggles, about me trying to make the bed like a secret ninja, while she is in the bathroom. i have quiet moments, where i light candles on the house Altars, and i know we are both listening and feeling similar thoughts. We pray for each other, in our own way.
i usually serve her breakfast in bed on a Sunday and always serve snacks during the day. i make sure her water and wine glass are full, ashtrays are dumped and washed, the bathroom is recleaned during the day, the kitchen stays clean, but am otherwise free of chores for the day.
She is a very kind Master. i often think that, actually. i know that she realizes we both had a bad night sleep, because of me. i woke up all night in pain. Evidently the monster made an appearance in surround sound. She might have dimples and curly hair. And might have a name that rhymes with Blade.
i’m not too sure.
There are households i have been in where the unspoken rule was to work from about seven am until midnight, about three quarters of my time. i would have kept working, actually, until i was told to go to bed. i also worked in my education and long, lingering calls to Sir Raven, when we both got too little sleep and woke up with each other on our minds.
Her mind woke up set to S/m.
It still does.
We will make a space for that when the time is right and that will linger too.
i think the extended fibro flare (again!) is why we haven’t. Well, that, and we have been busy. Lots of fun, interesting experiences of couples in the apartments for hours on end. We enjoyed it, but it is a lot for three introverts.
i meditate and consider that this is a service, as much as anything else i do.
i write, and since i share better in writing, that is good too.
i think about random, floating things like,
the way her lips feel on mine and the joy i feel at every touch between us.
She exhilarates me…and
i love that there are books in every room, because i believe they contain energy, both theirs and our own. Knowledge contains energy. This is a physics concept, not really “woo” for me, despite the fact that i also comfortably engage in Ancestor worship (Hers, not my own, except for my Grandmother).
i could not become a Priest in her faith for a variety of reasons, one of them being that should my mother pass into the next life, i would have to make her plates, and i can’t imagine it’s a lovely thing to do that begrudgingly. i don’t want to think of her for that long, for one thing. i waited on her hand and foot for thirty devoted years. i did my time.
i have learned how to let thoughts like that happen, come and go like clouds, without obsession about it. It is what it is.
i feel lucky that i have time to think deeply and feel deeply. i feel lucky to be alive, to be in love, to have good friends that are family.
i feel lucky to get to spend Karida’s birthday tomorrow and we are going to have breakfast in front of Tiffany’s. Yes. i love New York. i say that in every season, every temperature, every pain day, every obnoxious train ride and hour on line. It is work, living here, a different kind of work than Florida. The return is a place that constantly inspires me, makes me feel alive, contains so many happy memories, so many silly traditions.
There have been years that we celebrated every holiday with S/m. i think i may have messed that one up when i wanted her to hurt me on Valentine’s day. Um. Oops. We celebrated Un-Valentine’s Day the next day, which was grand. You give a butch a box of chocolates and a smooshy card (well, okay, there may have been some dick sucking going on too) and they suddenly want to do things. All the things that i love, there was a knife involved, i believe.
And on that note, i have laundry to sort and get washed, a frig to clean out, dusting the house, mopping the house, and dinner prep to take care of. i need to make a list of what i need to purchase for MSC, pick up meds at the pharmacy, and get ready for tomorrow. Yay!