If you asked Sir Raven, she would say that she hates the idea of micromanagement. If you asked me, i’d say she does micromanage and that she likes it. What she does not like would be if she followed me around, looking obsessively to see if i am following her ways. i think that is a part of her concept of micromanagement but it isn’t a part of mine.
What really happens is this:
She once noted that in her estimation i had too many bottles of cleaning supplies. i confess, i have a tremendous fondness for cleaning supplies of all kinds. She limited the number to five.
She once noted that she wanted me to sweep the floors in this order: bedroom, bathroom, livingroom, entry, kitchen. So this is how i do it every day.
She once said i should dust the bedroom one day and the livingroom another day because of how long it takes with All The Things she has. She didn’t like me basically spending a whole morning dusting and wiping walls. So that is how i do it.
She said one time that she does not like dishes in her sink. Except on Sunday’s that she will sometimes allot for movies in bed, where i have a bit more latitude.
i do laundry two days a week because she does not want me carrying more than one heavy bag of laundry at a time.
When i do the laundry, i may only use Tide, Bounce, and Oxyclean. Once i thought the rule was only about name brand items and purchased a close-out bottle of Gain. She was very unhappy, even when i insisted i’d use it only for the little rugs we have. She said it should never happen again. It hasn’t.
So, from her perspective, she doesn’t micromanage because she will tell me something once, and i’ll do my best to follow it faithfully.
She isn’t following me around or watching me clean. Indeed, when she is home, i make special efforts to wait for her to go to her desk or bed before i do certain jobs, just because while she wants it clean she doesn’t want to watch me running about all day.
Every morning, i serve coffee and bring her water and her vitamin. i gather her water glass from the bedside, empty coffee mugs, and other dishes to wash. i dump and wash all ashtrays. i put away the clean dishes from the night before. i make the bed. Shower. Makeup. Clean the bathroom. Sweep and mop the house.
Then i work on my afternoon chores: errands, shopping, laundry, dinner prep.
My evening chores are: cook and serve dinner, wash up, sweep the kitchen, dump ashtrays and keep her water glass full, turn off all lights, make sure the door is locked, bring her water for her bedside.
In between all of that, i work on homework, read, sit quietly and do puzzles, watch tv, take my daily nap, tend the house Altars, meditate, and work on whatever other projects we might have going on.
Sir Raven sets the tone for conversation-or not-every day. She decides what we watch on tv, where we will go, and gives or denies permission for me to go anywhere besides the laundry mat, grocery store, and to get her wine. i don’t do anything different without explicit permission. i don’t buy anything different without her permission. i don’t give out my email or cell number or spend extra money without permission. i turn in my grades and instructor comments as i receive them. i wear clothes and shoes and make up that she chose. i take medicine she decided on. i see doctors she approves of. i only have friends that she approves of and they are all M/s.
i look for ways to please, to bend to what she wants, and carefully control my energy to keep it small and quiet. Most of the time, it’s just the two of us, and i love that. Sometimes i struggle hard because i get excited around different people and am so acclimated to isolation that being around people is highly stimulating. i don’t always get myself under control fast enough and Sir Raven reins me back in. This morning, i’m going to spend some quiet time in extra meditation, because we are going to be out all day and around friends. So it’s another opportunity for me to try and not be too excited and talk too much or not enough. It’s hard, because i spend a lot of time silent with her. You’d never know from how much i talk around people. Heh.