Sir Raven had a bit of a tough morning. i padded into the livingroom at a little after 8 this morning, heading directly to the french press which Sir Raven had already poured. “Morning, sleepy head,” she greets me, and i smiled over the mug at her.
She enjoys reading on her phone, which is her morning custom, as i sit quietly and have my coffee and wait for my meds to do something. All was well until she started getting dressed. i could hear long sighs coming from her chair until i asked what she was going through over there. Her laces are too long. Her shirt needs to be ironed. Fraiser isn’t on tv. The weather report contains more snow for later in the week.
She doesn’t want to head back to work any more than i want her to. i always wistfully wish we were independently wealthy, just so we could spend more time enjoying each other.
“Poor, sweet Master,” i say in consoling tones. It’s her long day and i confirm her orders for dinner tonight, which i thought she had changed but wasn’t positive. It will give her something small to look forward to at least.
We sit in companionable silence, letting the morning unfold as it will. i offer breakfast, which she declines. When she is ready to leave, she kisses me. Then she remembers something she left in the bedroom and leans down to kiss me again, pausing to ask, “Didn’t we just do this?” i hold her face in my hands for a moment, kiss her again, and say, “Two kisses! Your morning has been rough but mine just got perfect. It was like “snacktime and lunch!” We both laugh at the silly gogurt commercial imitation.
i also feel a bit off after her vacation week. i keep glancing over at her chair and her slippers.
We had such a lovely break. We enjoyed going out to eat several times, the orchid show at the Botanical Gardens, way too many hours learning how to use my iphone, seeing Cinderella at the movie theater (okay, so i enjoyed it), and laughing a lot. i had my MRI, which wasn’t a great start to her vacation. She waited to take off the collar until right before we left. i had asked nervously, the night before, if she was going to put it right back on when we got home. “Jade!” she had said sharply. “That collar is mine, girl I’ll decide when it goes back on.!” And i had bowed my head, in acknowledgement and shame.
After the MRI, she got me a cup of coffee to help perk me up, and then we went out to eat. Before the drinks arrived, she surprised me by pulling the collar out of her bag and locking it back around my throat. It’s quite heavy to have carried all that way but quite an honor to have it back, to have her think so much about my well being, and that she understands that the permanent reminder of her ownership means everything to me only because she means everything to me.
i have so much to be thankful for, every day, and i thank her daily for all of the ways she shows me love. The most important way is that she takes her Mastery of me seriously, holds me a high standard, and quickly gets me back on track when i try to step off her path. Usually, i do this by beating myself up for not doing enough, even when Sir Raven is the only person who can decide this. i’ve learned how to self-correct this faster and have gotten better at focusing on the value of obedience to her will over everything-including service.