i remember reading many years ago that our bodies are meant to seek pleasure.
We have taste buds and nerve endings and sexual responses and brains that are able to have meta cognition and experience the divine.
When we don’t find pleasure in one way, when there isn’t a balance, it seems that humans will engage with the pleasure available to them.
i know i misuse food sometimes. i become aware of the need i experience for s/m, and blunt it with food. i become aware i am angry or uncomfortable with the lack of what i need, become ashamed, and punish myself with food. i become aware of feeling angry at the pain and exhaustion, and shove it away, as best i can.
The body will seek pleasure.
i also remember picking up the idea that if we don’t deal with milestones-good and bad-in one way, we will mark it in another. We can choose to mark occasions on our terms, or find that all of that ignoring it results in increasing difficulties. The midlife crisis comes to mind.
i try to be aware of my body and what it is telling me. My hormones are making some kind of declaration inside of me, aware that i’m having some kind of baby lust, though it’s not a choice i’d make for myself. i have to balance that, somehow, with the reasons i have not birthed a child. At this point, it boils down to the fact that i’m too sick and too afraid of passing fibromyalgia onto a child. Adoption or other means would effectively deal with the latter issue but does nothing for the fact that i’m sick and there is no cure, nor any way to restore a normal quality of life.
i don’t know how to honor these things.
What i know for sure is that i need to focus on taking good care of myself, let my body experience pleasure, and focus intently on it- the sun on my face, the deep stretch yoga provides, the softness of her lips on mine, the soothing cool sheets and the end of a long day. i take every experience in, give thanks for all that i can do well, and for my Master who chooses to walk the path with me.