One of the important jobs Sir Raven does is something i think of as gatekeeping. Recently, at MAsT, we had presenters who had been together for 45 years and the slave remarked that they have learned to keep people at a distance, so by the time they are “friends” they have really already become family.
i could really relate to that. Sir Raven encourages me to have other slave friends, to offer support and accept support. She does decide how close to let people, both physically (in our home) and emotionally (letting me know when supporting them is effecting me negatively).
i think it is part of being both Leather and Lesbian that i understand how and why friends are your chosen family. And we are blessed in that part of our lives.
i have friends who understand when i’m super busy and we can naturally pick up where we left off every single time.
i have friends who call and instead of saying, ‘hello’ they say, “Are you beading?”
i have friends who have seen me at my absolute worst, and who showed up for me.
We have friends who are capable of holding space for us, who will listen when we need to share, who do not judge me for coming home, where i belong.
Recently, Sir Raven made a rare allowance, for friends who are family to come back into my life.
They met me when i was with the monster, who eventually understood i had been kidnapped, who encouraged me to deal with her and stop running scared. They took me to court many times so i could file an order or protection. They understood why i wasn’t pressing charges. They calmly carried loaded guns for me. The Monster was not afraid of going to jail again and had made death threats against all of us.
i’d do damn near anything for our friends, as would Sir Raven. We are both people who feel friends are family, we’d show up for ours in the middle of the night, if need be.
i feel blessed that Sir Raven takes her role as Gatekeeper seriously and that this has resulted in friends who are chosen family.
When you live as a slave, it matters to have support because there are rough moments. i think there are things that only another slave can understand.
i’m sure the same thing is true for Masters and i encourage her to make time for those friendships, even when that means that i happily take the back burner to create time and space.
Sir Raven understands that slavery contains isolation and that having people who “get us” is a hard thing to find. i’m isolated as a condition of slavery-at times it is for my health, to give me adequate time to get everything done that she orders or expects, to keep my focus on her above all else. And i willingly agree to the condition of isolation, even when i do not like it. Often, the reason is for my health as Sir Raven chooses when i may leave the apartment. If she hasn’t ordered me to stay indoors, i send lists that document where i may need to go (laundry, groceries, liquor store, pharmacy) each morning. If the weather isn’t good, i may be ordered to stay indoors or there could be restrictions on what i can do, such as today’s order to do only one load of laundry and to do it around late morning hours.
The isolation helps keep me safe and i do not do anything without permission. i am thankful that she acts as a Gatekeeper because it helps both of us consider carefully who is allowed into her Nest. i know that Sir Raven tends to be an idealist, a long-term thinker, a dreamer, and a person who remains hopefully that people will do the right thing. Because of these admirable traits, i know it’s an act of love and possession that she is the Gatekeeper and i am thankful.
It’s taken some time, but we have a solid crew, and it’s because we blended our best ideals and paid attention to each other when new people were coming into the fold.
Today, i am thankful that my Master keeps me safe and that my obedience to her will is the most important obligation in my life.