Sir Raven told me on Friday night that we were going someplace that i needed to be ready by one the next afternoon. i am not allowed to ask where we were going, but i was trying to find out if we were going anyplace near the pharmacy. i was nearly out, but hadn’t had the time or energy to go yet. My meds weren’t all ready at the same time, and i’ve been focusing hard on my school work.
i turned out about 8 thousand words between two classes between Thursday and Friday.
We got on a bus we had never taken before, and the dense noise and lack of air conditioning was too much for both of us. We made it safely though and i found out our surprise destination: the movie theater, to see, “Inside/Out.”
We hadn’t eaten and she said something about Red Lobster, so we were both fixated on their biscuits, since we have only eaten there once in the last three years. Heh. So, i turned down popcorn and treats. i changed my mind when the commercials went on and on, followed by a short film. The man next to me started singing along with the animation about two lavas that fell in love. Heh.
The smell of popcorn is actually overwhelming if you aren’t eating it. The movie was great.
Most of all, i appreciated all of the effort Sir Raven puts into things for me. The pain i live in dictates so much right now, that i feel lost inside of it. i don’t know what to do but to go further with it, use s/m to force my body to deal. Anyhow, Sir Raven spent time figuring out the chairs and the drive, because either can trigger pain spikes that leave me breathless.
We enjoyed the dinner at Red Lobster together. The food was yummy and it’s nice to just be able to sit at a table and focus on each other and nothing else. That feels terrific. It feels like Spring time after a desolate winter, just when you were sure you’d never feel the sun again.
Maybe we do need a dining room, after all.
The next day, we got a surprise of another kind:
i ran out of medication.
Missing six doses of Neurontin causes extreme pain. Immediate, muscle aching, bone hurting, not trusting my body to hold me up-with goood reason. Ugh. Plus, it was July 4th, which i spend praying for people with PTSD, in particular our Veterans. The homeboys and crew lit up the night, til 3am, booms dominated from all directions. Then they topped it of by screaming in the street at each other.
Sir Raven has been allowing me to stay up and work for between one and three hours after she goes to bed. That means i go to bed around 1am. It’s been working out well because there is always so much to do. i generally divide my time between cleaning and errands and Grad work so that i’m not missing anything. And then there are the sick times, when Sir Raven will bring me a drink, and help me get up to go to the bathroom. She has woken up out of a dead sleep to check me for fever and cover me up. She made a trip back to the pharmacy, just for me.
i learned a lot about myself and styles of M/s in other relationships.
i’ve learned a lot about marriage by being in one. She went out on Saturday morning to get my meds and found the pharmacy unexpectedly closed. She came home with an air conditioner before i’d finished my first cup of coffee. i was amazed. Excited. The a/c doesn’t disappoint. Even our bedroom wasn’t hot last night. Oh, the joy!
i will be so happy when this flare is over. My hair and teeth hurt. My eye feels like it might pop-it’s the one that is already blind, so it’s okay. Heh. My body is hot in some places, cold in others.
But i’m so damn lucky.
i ran out Saturday while i could, getting the green tea, lemonade, beer, creamer, and cigarettes. i wasn’t sure what to expect but i didn’t know it was going to be so bad so fast. i couldn’t make the bed yesterday. i finally washed dishes last night.
Then i couldn’t sleep again.
It’s another 3am night for me. i’m so exhausted. So. Exhausted.
i’m thankful for Sir Raven, always. One of the reasons that i’m thankful for our dynamic is it means we will never give up. i’d worry constantly about being left by a husband. As long as i can be of use again, that is what matters the most. My Master deserves a slave who doesn’t have to be taken care of, but she chose me. As long as i wear her collar, she continues to choose me. i feel that i need to show my thanks, express my adoration, and do my best at everything. So i feel genuinely “off” when i have to accept being taken care of. i’m ready for things to get back to normal, where she wants for nothing that isn’t already done. i’m here to be of service, after all. 🙂