i’m an optimist who tries to be a realist.
i know that.
i also know that a life without gratitude isn’t worth living, because there is always so much to be grateful for. i have an abundance of blessings from something as arbitrary as life.
Yesterday, Sir Raven was such an angel. She carried the laundry to and from the laundry mat for me. It was so hot and i was so nauseated that i asked for a sprite and she went next door to get one for me. She understands all too well about difficult and painful periods, so with that and the heat she let me go to bed early to watch documentaries and chill out. She tucked me in, even and cleaned up my snack.
Why in the hell do i want to focus on anything else?
She is here, with me, loving and in love, working hard and willing to work hard.
i’m a lucky slave, really. i don’t ever forget that.
i needed to write, bless, and release what i wrote before.
i needed to remember that life is a matter of perspective and the rest of things can still work out.
i think it’s not helpful to feel guilty for normal needs, and so i’m trying to work on that. Guilt and self-hatred are not good allies. Plus, they make me fat. 😛
i have this resource here, friends who care, and a Master that i can’t wait to see every day. i need to be more aware of being mindful because i’ve obviously lost sight of that somewhat or i wouldn’t be stuffing down too big feelings. i also need to be sure to rest because the lack of sleep is really kicking my butt. And that is Sir Raven’s job. i must be doing things right enough because she is happy with me. That is what really matters most of all.