i realized i needed to take a moment to just breathe.
When i did, what i felt was such a flood of gratitude.
Sir Raven gave me a family to take care of, even if it is only small gestures. Her grandmother will like me in the end, perhaps, because i get her pink roses.
The one thing i’ve always wanted, and ever had, was a forever family.
This i know…
Shango walks with me and knows how much i love him. i adore my Master and would go to any lengths-and have-to show her.She certainly has for me as well. This year, as i reflect, i think we had a powerful year of building. We put the work in, built friendships that are really family, and found our spark all over again. Love wins. In so many ways.
i always get sort of-introspective-at this time.
i’m always worried her Spiritual Family won’t want me anymore. That, i’m sure, has way more to do with me than anyone else.
Much to Sir Raven’s chagrin, i try to ask what her wishes are specifically, should anything happen.
Of course, i do understand. i can well understand what a burden i could be for many. i understand no one would want me (in the sense of Ownership) and why. i figure SR is too uncomfortable to just say that. i have no idea why-i’m quite used to it.
Perhaps Sir Raven’s warning that she’ll drop me off at the Convent if i’m bad would come true. Heh. i’m not clean enough to be a nun.
Yeah. So, back to work. Everything is prepped, prepared, cleaned, thought-out, and ready. We were an awesome team this year. i worked my ass off to ask exactly what she wanted, more than once if i had to. She worked her ass off right along with me, each of us in it together…in different ways.
i’m trying to get some reading done, kept reading the same thing, and figured i actually needed to come here and decompress a bit. i’m fighting the perfectionism monster. Sometimes, i need to keep track of the big picture and get something on paper, even if it’s here first. It’s getting better. i finally thought to turn the lovely Alicia Keys up. Music is balm for the weary soul and takes every traveler exactly how we are.
So, we are exhausted, but ready! *Readddyyy* You just have to say that word with feeling. 🙂
Thank you for the Honor of serving you, Master. i never loose sight of the Priest and King you are. xo