Time to breathe

i realized i needed to take a moment to just breathe.

When i did, what i felt was such a flood of gratitude.

Sir Raven gave me a family to take care of, even if it is only small gestures.  Her grandmother will like me in the end, perhaps, because i get her pink roses.

The one thing i’ve always wanted, and ever had, was a forever family.

This i know…

Shango walks with me and knows how much i love him.  i adore my Master and would go to any lengths-and have-to show her.She certainly has for me as well.  This year, as i reflect, i think we had a powerful year of building.  We put the work in, built friendships that are really family, and found our spark all over again.  Love wins.  In so many ways.

i always get sort of-introspective-at this time.

i’m always worried her Spiritual Family won’t want me anymore.  That, i’m sure, has way more to do with me than anyone else.

Much to Sir Raven’s chagrin, i try to ask what her wishes are specifically, should anything happen.

Of course, i do understand.  i can well understand what a burden i could be for many.  i understand no one would want me (in the sense of Ownership) and why.  i figure SR is too uncomfortable to just say that.  i have no idea why-i’m quite used to it.

Perhaps Sir Raven’s warning that she’ll drop me off at the Convent if i’m bad would come true.  Heh.  i’m not clean enough to be a nun.

Yeah.  So, back to work.  Everything is prepped, prepared, cleaned, thought-out, and ready.  We were an awesome team this year.  i worked my ass off to ask exactly what she wanted, more than once if i had to.  She worked her ass off right along with me, each of us in it together…in different ways.

i’m trying to get some reading done, kept reading the same thing, and figured i actually needed to come here and decompress a bit.  i’m fighting the perfectionism monster.  Sometimes, i need to keep track of the big picture and get something on paper, even if it’s here first.  It’s getting better.  i finally thought to turn the lovely Alicia Keys up.  Music is balm for the weary soul and takes every traveler exactly how we are.

So, we are exhausted, but ready!  *Readddyyy* You just have to say that word with feeling.  🙂

Orisun Orisha.

Thank you for the Honor of serving you, Master.  i never loose sight of the Priest and King you are.  xo


4 thoughts on “Time to breathe

  1. Twiglet of Hundred Acres says:

    I’m am surprisingly nervous to type, I have been following this blog for a while, probably over 18 months, and yet never posted a comment. I find the authenticity of self expressed in your blog, and yet also your lack of self, incredibly complex. Sometimes I read and think, yeah I get that, and other times your posts and life baffle me – in a good way. Your dynamic with Your Sir Raven comes across as very powerful and full of such highs but also real lows in its everydayness (everydayness so should be a real word?). That honesty is something I value as a reader, lurker if you prefer. Except of course I recognise that perhaps having a readership is not your primary concern as you write, and maybe that is why it’s great to read, a sneaky insight, a voyeuristic treasure, into the private lives of two strong and thought provoking people.

    And the waffle here, is perhaps why I don’t post comments, but I am being encouraged to do so. I talk too much, so I write too much too when I do pluck up the courage, and I think my energy levels as an extrovert would exhaust many in your world. So, hello and thank you. And I hope my comment is not too bouncy and all over the place – it probably is, but I won’t edit.
    Thank you for writing, encouraging people to think, reflect, and allowing us the privilege of insight into pieces of your life. humbly Twiglet

    • jadescastle says:

      Twig let I have more to say when I have time. I wanted to tell you how touched I am. I write for two reasons-the first is for my master. The second is for readers exactly like you. Thank you for letting me know that I am fulfilling my masters goals for this- an honest and Raw expression of m/s. My whole goal is to show the highs and lows in an authentic way. For that reason, we knew this blog wouldn’t speak to everyone. And that is perfectly fine. I hope you feel welcomed to comment or ask questions any time. Our readers are as much a part of our journey as the words we write. 😊

      • Twiggs says:

        Thank you. Humbly. For replying to my ramblings. Let me assure you, my reticence to comment is only based on my own fears, the warmth in this blog is so apparent to all — even when you might not be feeling it, it’s there. I admire you though lots, especially being able to keep your energy small and not constantly touch your Master. I am always bouncing around at a high ochtaine and love the skin privileges I have with mine. I have to remember to slow down and meet my Arborist in the quiet spaces too. You help me with that.
        Trying to be quiet Twiglet

      • jadescastle says:

        Do not worry about being too exuberant here. That’s what this place is for. 😊

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