This is the link to Deepak Chopra and Oprah’s free meditation class. i participate in each one. For some reason, when i tried to open them up at the laundry mat, they wouldn’t open so i worked on them today and thought i’d share since i find them so helpful. You can only go five days back, but you can still hear my favorite, which talks about changing your perception regardless of what is going on in life.
Yesterday was really long, but wonderful. i lugged our heavy feather duvet, white sheets, and Sir Raven’s shirts to the laundry mat. i always freshly wash all of the bedding before she has a spiritual obligation, to help prepare her for her tasks. When i finished, i came home and realized i had forgotten to text to say i was leaving. Fortunately, Sir Raven called me while i was doing the wash to respond to my earlier text. i informed her she was Mr. Stinky Head because she insisted all of the packages from Old Navy were for her but my new skirts were there. Since i didn’t have approval to keep them, i lugged it down with tags attached. She happened to call at the perfect time, granting permission for me to wash my new skirts.
Since the duvet feather blanket takes forever to wash and dry, i listened to my Reiki class, read some of my school book on my phone, and ran out for a salad for lunch. i headed back home to hang up her clothes and rushed back out to purchase all of the ingredients for her spiritual obligations, which includes cooking for her ancestors. i also decided that i needed to fix her a proper meal and chose to make a pot roast, with garlic, red onions, baby portabella mushrooms, potatoes, and carrots. i chose something hearty for the frigid weather, and that she could add to the plates she needed to fix if she chose to.
i swear i was shaking like a leaf fixing the roast in the kitchen. Thankfully, i had meditated in the grocery store while shopping, focusing on all of the love in my heart for her Orisha and wanting to serve Sir Raven in her Priestly obligations. That helped me stay the course to fix a proper meal, which was nearly ready when she arrived home. i had looked up what i could find online about our new family member coming. i was perplexed because i couldn’t find any specific flower associated with Oya, so i went to our local florist to choose roses. He had some beautiful pink and white ones, and what i had read specified that she would like different colors. But her number was 9, and the roses came only in bunches of 5. So, i ran back out to the grocery and purchased some white roses as well. i wanted her to feel welcomed. i knew Sir Raven may end up offering the roses another way, and that was fine by me. The Orisha knows my heart.
It took about an hour for her to cook, and i was her little sous chef, opening and chopping and filling containers with specific ingredients under her careful direction. This filled me with great joy, because Sir Raven has been a Priest many years, and could easily carry out every duty by herself. That she includes me shows a high level of trust, affirms my role in her life, and allows me to help show my love to her family. It humbles me. We got everything packed up for today together and went to bed.
The heat came on and was choking hot in our room last night. Had it not been one am, i would have woken her and begged her to open the window. i absolutely could not sleep, the heat inducing waves of spasms and pain. Sir Raven refuses to sleep in anything but her sleep shirt and underwear. i hate that she won’t just put on her sleep pants and leave the window open more than a stingy inch. We can always add more blankets to the bed but there isn’t much i can do about being too hot to sleep. Sleep is precious. i miss sleep.
i’m not permitted to sleep nude, but even if i was i can’t sleep that way. i absolutely have to have at least a sheet covering parts of me, no matter how hot it is. It’s the remnants of sexual abuse. i can’t do anything more on those few scars and give thanks that i’m otherwise good sexually speaking.
Anyhow, we woke around 7am. i prepared the french press, serving her Ancestors first, reminding her to light the candle at the white table, since i tend that Altar. We worked in silence for awhile. i asked after various items, to be sure she had them. i am not permitted to go to any of the next days events, because i’m not a priest. So the aspirin, muscle relaxers, snacks, cold cloths, and clean socks that i generally have with me were things i needed to be sure she had. It was the only chance i’d have all day to take care of her, and it was the only chance she’d have all day to be at the top of the hierarchy. It was good we had everything ready because her Godfather was here early to collect her and go.
i had no idea what time she would be home, but i ran out this afternoon to get her cigarettes and some snacks she would enjoy. It was icy and sleeting outside, too cold for me to even want to ride the bus to Starbucks to work there. Sometimes, i feel really emotional when she is doing Spiritual work and i prefer to not be alone like that. Plus, there is constant work for school, and precious small windows of good work that i don’t have to edit the shit out of or re-read. This is definitely a result of the medicine change, and it will just take time for my body to readjust.
i came home to find the heat to the building was not being sent up still, and was thankful that i showered early before the building woke up because the hot water was a Godsend in the cold apartment. i had on make-up and hair fixed, but slipped into clean pajamas to read and eat a grilled cheese in bed.
Still thinking about the perception meditation, i thought about the role of perception in my life. i suppose i could resent that the spiritual obligations will result in her being away for the weekend, and Monday after work. Instead, i am honored to play my tiny part in her comfort and work. i have never felt slighted by her Spiritual obligations and duties, longing to share in all that i am permitted, in love with her Shango and the Shango in her, happy to do anything to show my love and respect.
When Sir Raven got home, i was there to greet her, pour her wine. i asked about various Priests, curious about the day. She had come home with a giant bag of herbs that needed to be cleaned and removed from the sticks and stems. i offered to do that to prepare her bath, and worked in silence. She brought home a heavenly slice of chocolate cake for me, which i really thanked her for, because i’d expect to be the last thing on her mind in the midst of her day today. It says a lot that she thought of me with so much going on around her, both in terms of big personalities, loud emotions, and the Spiritual work itself. i took down the days garbage and recycling and told her i’d leave her in peace to finish this blog post. What i really want is to slip into her skin, crush my lips against hers, make love to every inch of her, longing for some way to show my devotion. The best way to do that is to give her what she needs, so i do exactly that, with the same amount of joy.
Once, in sharing with another slave about getting to cook or clean or make plates for her Spiritual family, the slave remarked, “So, your reward for being her wife and servant is more work?”
i had never thought of it that way. i suppose if i did then i would feel very differently about what is genuinely an honor to me. If she did not trust me explicitly, i would not be there to serve her Elders. i would not prepare anything for her, not ease the way for her to do her work, not serve her Ancestors or help tend the Altars. Each year, we improve together. This is where i experience her trust in me as her slave and wife the most. This is where i see her vulnerable to many things outside her control. She trusts me to be there for her and there is no place i’d rather be.