What a long week

This week has been really productive.  i got all of my weekly chores done early, including two trips to the laundry mat.  i managed to go through all of my clothes, and have a garbage bag size all neatly folded and ready to go.  i made black bean chili and fresh corn bread one night, steak fajitas, tacos, and we have sandwich meat all ready for the weekend.  i also had a doctor visit today, to go over lab work results.

The good news is i lost 38 pounds this year.  i’m sure i had lost closer to fifty at least, but i put some weight back on when i quit literally starving myself.  Somehow, even though i was naughty and had a lot of treats during vacation, i lost five pounds.

The bad news is that my bad cholesterol is up even higher, but my doctor said with the weight loss he feels very confident this is a hereditary issue.  i went ahead and got the medicine he said i have to take and will see him again in three months.  He’d like to see me loose another fifteen pounds, but being a big guy himself he had a lot of nice things to say about my progress.

Sir Raven has the weekend off of work, and i was super happy about that until yesterday.  i thought we had no plans for the weekend, which is just what she needs.  Her work has been really stressful the past many weeks, and i’ve been doing my best to be good, quiet, supportive, and make sure she has total down time every day.  Each night, i ask to sit by her on my floor pillow to just be near her and quietly color.  She likes to watch me make art of any kind, but finds it somehow impressive that i can color, even though i’m slow and have to pay close attention with my face a few inches from the page and feel it when the crayon touches where i carefully outlined the design.  She took one of the pages to work to put in her office, which made my little girl heart fill with love.  It’s nice that she knew she didn’t need to ask me, that anything i have is already hers.

This weekend is going to be busy for her.  She has a writer’s workshop all afternoon tomorrow.  i don’t know if she will invite me to join her or not, solely because the location that they will be meeting in is small this time.  i like to sit out of the way, read my text books and listen here and there.  Then, on Sunday, Sir Raven has a meeting that i cannot go to, because it’s just for boys.

i might be writing a bit, because i’m still doing some processing, and trying to not bother Sir Raven with anything so she can just come home and relax.  Since she relaxes best around my babygirl energy, that is what i try to make sure she has around her.  That doesn’t mean that i haven’t been working on my own, because i have.  i certainly made sure to get a much owed apology from the person who questioned my loyalty.  It’s taken me some time-days really-to not literally be seeing red from our interactions.  This is just another way that i think i’m likely a child of Shango, while i’m slow to anger most of the time, it takes me a while to recover one i’m literally seeing red.  It is a real effort for me during those times to not go for the jugular, and the reasons i don’t are related to integrity, rather than any feeling that the person deserves a pass.

i spent extra time in meditation this week as a result, being careful to set aside those feelings and monitor myself.  Being mindful has it’s advantages, and one of them is that when i’m sure i have been wronged, i can notice that and how i’m feeling without trying to make excuses for anyone or automatically try to change how i feel.  Things and people are not black and white,  and i’m glad that i can easily recognize that.  It’s also a good thing to be able to just sit with feeling angry, without trying to numb myself with food.

Time to try and get pretty, freshen up my make-up, and maybe go lay down for a bit after i serve Sir Raven.  i’m feeling pretty exhausted right now.

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