Sir Raven and i thought we might have to lead a discussion on protocols a few months back, and we stared at each other like deers in the headlights.  At first, the only thing we could think of was protocols related to walking together (she is to my left, because she likes it not when she is hit by my whitecane.  Imagine that!).  Our protocols are so ingrained into our lives that it’s simply what we do and we really had to think about it to come up with a list.

Sir Josh recently remarked during the podcast that watching an Ms couple should be like watching excellent dancers, things are fluid and natural, without anyone knowing how much work it took to learn to move together.  That made me think of protocols, and how they are the sheet music to our dance.  As it turns out, Sir Raven and i have a lot of protocols that cover a lot of different situations.

First, i should mention, that if you ever want to watch a group of people look like they are trying to solve for X without a calculator, ask about protocols and rituals.  There is some overlap, but for us, rituals serve the purpose of symbolically connecting us on a spiritual level while protocols are more of a proscribed dialogue.

For example, i have an alarm set on my phone an hour before she comes home.  i finish up any chores not complete, check on the meal i’m cooking, fix my hair and make-up, light candles, put aside my work, meditate, and make sure the home feels inviting.  The ritual parts are my focus on her having a home that simply feels good, that i have deliberately set aside time to be ready for her arrival, putting aside my frustrations of the day.  The other things are protocols, in this case they are there to be ready for the ritual aspect of her home coming.


Protocols can best be described as proscribed behaviors that follow the format, “When X happens, do Y.”  Unlike rituals, they are not meant mainly to attend to connection or spirituality.  Protocols allow for discreet communication which exists to establish routines that further cement the imbalance of power in a hierarchal relationship.  Protocols can be thought of as rules that are procedural in nature.

Service Protocols- protocols related to the slave waiting on the Master(s). 

  1. Slave serves water and cold white wine upon Master’s arrival home daily.
  2. Slave offers beverage immediately upon arrival to any guests.
  3. Slave brings Master water for the bedside table.
  4. Slave will serve all food and beverages, unless specifically otherwise directed.
  5. Slave will serve all Masters before other slaves.
  6. i serve myself last.

Routine Protocols-

  1. Bedtime routine-Master announces she is ready for bed.  Slave turns off all lights, make sure the house is locked, blow out candles, make sure french press is set up, wash ashtrays, and place remote by Sir Raven’s chair before retiring to bed. 
  2. Morning routine-slave serves coffee and water.  Slave never speaks (baring emergency) until Master speaks to slave.  Master always uses the bathroom first while slave waits. 
  3. Greeting routine-Master kisses slave hello and goodbye when leaving the house.  slave stands and waits upon hearing the door chimes. 
  4.  Greeting routine-Slave offers to remove Master’s shoes daily and has slippers by her chair, candles lit.
  5. When Master says she is ready to shower, slave places towel and night shirt by the shower and turns on the water for proper temperature.
  6. Before i leave the house, the morning chores should be completed.


  1. Slave calls other Masters, Mistresses only by their chosen title (Sir, Master, Mistress, Goddess, Lady, etc). 


  1. Slave maintains wunderlist app with lists of chores, homework, and errands daily.  Slave checks them off as completed, allowing for real time information on completion.
  2. Master maintains social calendar and medical appointments on wunderlist, allowing slave to work my lists around her priorities.
  3. Slave asks permission for any activity other than grocery shopping outside the house.


  1. Slave texts arrival at destinations that require a bus or subway ride and a texts once home.
  2. Slave waits after getting off the train and waits for verbal prompt to continue (up stairs, to another train, etc).
  3. Slave carries cell phone and ID at all times.

Special Requests

  1. Slave must ask permission to have soda, special treats, or extra coffee.  In public, Sir Raven order’s for me but will let me know she is amenable to being asked for something special by asking me what I would like to drink or eat (rather than just ordering or offering a limited range of options).
  2. Slave asks before any unusual expenditures (purchasing music, getting mani/pedis, textbooks). 
  3. Slave must ask to have any visitors and texts when they arrive and depart.


  1. Slave asks before hugging, kissing, or touching Master (other than placing my hand on her thigh or occasionally touching/holding her hand).
  2. Slave asks before sitting at Master’s feet.  Otherwise, slave stays on her “playpen.”
  3. Slave sits at Master’s feet during any serious conversation.
  4. Slave waits to be told where to sit outside the house.
  5. When Sir Raven says, “Come here,” slave kneels in front of Master.
  6. Slave walks on the right side of Sir Raven.
  7. Sir Raven will indicate where i should sit outside the home, other than on public transportation.
  8. If i need to leave the table or room, i ask first and indicate where i want to go.

Verbal Commands

  1. When Sir Raven says, “Enough,” slave quits speaking.
  2. If Sir Raven says, “Pleasant Demeanor” slave will adjust to have pleasing facial expression and tone. It’s been a really long time since she had to say this, thankfully.
  3. Sir Raven uses the phrase, “Stop talking” to mean to make my energy smaller and more quiet.

2 thoughts on “Protocols

  1. mala says:

    This is an interesting list. I am relieved to see you are kissed hello and goodbye!! Out of curiosity, where these drawn up for you already or did they evolve over time? Do they evolve now, as well?

    • jadescastle says:

      No, they were not drawn up for me. Some of them i came with (serving Masters first, eating after she eats, etc). Some of them i immediately started doing (like serving in silence in the morning until she speaks to me or making sure she has at least one quiet day weekly) and she liked it and told me to keep doing it. Some things she came up with (waiting for a verbal prompt to move after getting off the train, because i had a way of walking like i owned the city and knew what i was doing-even if i didn’t). We actually only took time to talk about them when we thought that we would have to present on protocols and we were both thinking we didn’t really have any because its just our normal. lol. i typed them all up while we were talking, added a few more as they occurred to me, and decided to post it when the presentation was cancelled. 🙂

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