i was really pleased today when Sir Raven went out to get her haircut. She had let it grow far longer than she ever has since we have been together. While i liked her natural hair against my cheek when i kissed her head, she looks so incredibly beautiful when her hair is freshly cut. She usually feels good when her hair is done, and i was happy that she was going out to do anything other than work.
She got home late last night, which would have been far later had she attended her planned bar night with her leather brothers. i was glad that she didn’t end up going because she is still not 100 percent well, though she obviously didn’t ask me. i was surprised when she sat up with me for a few hours, drinking wine and watching tv, talking a bit. Since i have no idea when she reads here, i mentioned the BS with Sir, and she said she was surprised that i had gone to see her at all with how they treat me. i pointed out my idea, that Shango shows me who he is through revealing who other people really are, and she quickly said, “Yes, baby, that is how he works.” He stays by me though, always, and makes me come home. She nodded, indicating that would always happen, until i was back home where i belonged.
i rushed around and got my morning chores done while she was getting her hair done, so she would come home and be able to relax. Fortunately, i used my extra time to get the weekly chores done yesterday. Dusting, wall washing, going over the cabinets, cleaning the hutch, sorting laundry. So that left the normal morning chores. Then, i got her wine, cigarettes, and found some lovely blackberries on sale to add to our salads. i picked up a container of cut fruit, in case she wanted to take it to work with her tomorrow for her writers workshop, which will be at her place this time. When she got home, she was pleased i had everything completed, including the market trips. She didn’t have her work finished for the workshop, and i knew she would need silence and stillness from me.
From across the room, she plays youtube videos, and i use my very best Sir Raven voice to tease her: “That doesn’t sound like writing,” i say, like she does to me when i’m working. She laughs, tells me to turn on the lamp and adjust the fan, bring more wine, and bring a snack so she can work. i look at facebook, and renew my campaign to try and get a puppy. She tells me to hush, that we won’t be getting a dog, that they are too expensive to feed, and raises all manner of objections that don’t include the other obstacles-like stairs that i can’t always do and a dogs need to potty, be walked, and she isn’t doing those things. She reminds me that i’m supposed to be good, to be quiet, and that i should sit on my playpen and not speak again.
So that is what i do.
i choke down the little girl feelings, the sadness, because i really do want a puppy. i want one to have a friend again. The only friends i have now are stuffed animals, and they don’t hug or kiss or cuddle any more than Sir Raven does. She is right-of course she is. i can’t have a dog for the same reasons i can’t have a baby. i’m not healthy. i can’t do it all by myself again. i can’t afford it. They deserve better than what i can do or give. i had…well i had thought that i would be able to get a dog one day, one that would be a handicapped helper so i could take her everywhere. i thought it was just something i’d have to wait for, like for when we live in a building without stairs and have a yard. So, there won’t be any more talking about dogs. The topic is closed.
i made a beautiful summer salad with spring mix, cherry tomatoes, black berries, and sweet peppers. i made juicy turkey burgers with avacado. She had her headphones on, and they had stopped playing music i could hear from across the room. Sir Raven had been occasionally singing bits of songs loudly, the way one does when they can’t hear themselves and don’t realize they are shouting. But now she was making sounds that were like she was having sex. i thought for a moment she might be watching porn or something over there. Nope. She was making yummy sounds over her dinner. 😀 😀 😀
Shortly after i had the kitchen re cleaned and french press set up for her morning, i discovered Sir Raven was already sound asleep. She was out before 8:30, which is good. i had wandered back there to ask her to scratch me, because i am itchy from taking a second pain pill. Instead, i silently undressed and put on my silky nightie, careful not to wake her when i filled her glass with ice water.
Tomorrow, she will come home exhausted, like she always is after writers workshop. Thankfully, she has Sunday to relax and rest before another week begins.