Small delights

i was really pleased today when Sir Raven went out to get her haircut.  She had let it grow far longer than she ever has since we have been together.  While i liked her natural hair against my cheek when i kissed her head, she looks so incredibly beautiful when her hair is freshly cut.  She usually feels good when her hair is done, and i was happy that she was going out to do anything other than work.

She got home late last night, which would have been far later had she attended her planned bar night with her leather brothers.  i was glad that she didn’t end up going because she is still not 100 percent well, though she obviously didn’t ask me.  i was surprised when she sat up with me for a few hours, drinking wine and watching tv, talking a bit.  Since i have no idea when she reads here, i mentioned the BS with Sir, and she said she was surprised that i had gone to see her at all with how they treat me.  i pointed out my idea, that Shango shows me who he is through revealing who other people really are, and she quickly said, “Yes, baby, that is how he works.”  He stays by me though, always, and makes me come home.  She nodded, indicating that would always happen, until i was back home where i belonged.

i rushed around and got my morning chores done while she was getting her hair done, so she would come home and be able to relax.  Fortunately, i used my extra time to get the weekly chores done yesterday.  Dusting, wall washing, going over the cabinets, cleaning the hutch, sorting laundry.  So that left the normal morning chores.  Then, i got her wine, cigarettes, and found some lovely blackberries on sale to add to our salads.  i picked up a container of cut fruit, in case she wanted to take it to work with her tomorrow for her writers workshop, which will be at her place this time.  When she got home, she was pleased i had everything completed, including the market trips.  She didn’t have her work finished for the workshop, and i knew she would need silence and stillness from me.

From across the room, she plays youtube videos, and i use my very best Sir Raven voice to tease her: “That doesn’t sound like writing,” i say, like she does to me when i’m working.  She laughs, tells me to turn on the lamp and adjust the fan, bring more wine, and bring a snack so she can work.  i look at facebook, and renew my campaign to try and get a puppy.  She tells me to hush, that we won’t be getting a dog, that they are too expensive to feed, and raises all manner of objections that don’t include the other obstacles-like stairs that i can’t always do and a dogs need to potty, be walked, and she isn’t doing those things.  She reminds me that i’m supposed to be good, to be quiet, and that i should sit on my playpen and not speak again.

So that is what i do.

i choke down the little girl feelings, the sadness, because i really do want a puppy.  i want one to have a friend again.  The only friends i have now are stuffed animals, and they don’t hug or kiss or cuddle any more than Sir Raven does.  She is right-of course she is.  i can’t have a dog for the same reasons i can’t have a baby.  i’m not healthy.  i can’t do it all by myself again.  i can’t afford it.  They deserve better than what i can do or give.  i had…well i had thought that i would be able to get a dog one day, one that would be a handicapped helper so i could take her everywhere.  i thought it was just something i’d have to wait for, like for when we live in a building without stairs and have a yard.  So, there won’t be any more talking about dogs.  The topic is closed.

i made a beautiful summer salad with spring mix, cherry tomatoes, black berries, and sweet peppers.  i made juicy turkey burgers with avacado.  She had her headphones on, and they had stopped playing music i could hear from across the room.  Sir Raven had been occasionally singing bits of songs loudly, the way one does when they can’t hear themselves and don’t realize they are shouting.  But now she was making sounds that were like she was having sex.  i  thought for a moment she might be watching porn or something over there.  Nope.  She was making yummy sounds over her dinner.  😀   😀 😀

Shortly after i had the kitchen re cleaned and french press set up for her morning, i discovered Sir Raven was already sound asleep.  She was out before 8:30, which is good.  i had wandered back there to ask her to scratch me, because i am itchy from taking a second pain pill.  Instead, i silently undressed and put on my silky nightie, careful not to wake her when i filled her glass with ice water.

Tomorrow, she will come home exhausted, like she always is after writers workshop.  Thankfully, she has Sunday to relax and rest before another week begins.

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9 thoughts on “Small delights

  1. Cinn says:

    Salads look good

    Perhaps a good alternative would be spending an hour or two at a local shelter?? Good for you, good for the dogs

    • jadescastle says:

      cinn, i absolutely love this suggestion. i’ll have to check into it, as one of the rules of being on the type of disability i am on (through work) is that i am forbidden to volunteer or risk losing my check. It’s crazy-i know-but that is the only reason i have no been volunteering with kiddos. Sir Raven wouldn’t let me do that anyhow, but i would have before i was hers for sure. Sir Raven feels that my safety could easily be at risk with children in an unfamiliar environment, and she has a valid concern. She is also worried i’d hurt myself. So, i’d have to clear it and find a way to volunteer without giving my personal data out. i’ll mention it to her and see if she lets me. ❤

  2. olivia says:

    Love the pictures – your bookcase looks a lot like mine!! And maybe someday there will be a dog. A helper dog would be good. Plus, I like Cinn’s suggestion. 🙂

    • jadescastle says:

      The bedroom bookcase is even more impressive! i loved the way the light was coming into the room and was trying to capture it. Glad you love the pictures, even my poor bloated bod. i loved cinn’s suggestion too! 🙂

  3. mala says:

    I have been considering a puppy… but it’s true what SR says… it’s a lot of work, regardless of cost. After what I went though with Pooh-bear, I still think about it sometimes… but decide against it. Why not get a cat? Or even a hamster or something small and furry?

    Love the pics 🙂

    • jadescastle says:

      mala, It’s not the cost that is the issue but the work, which i would not always be able to do. SR and i both love big dogs, and she thinks they need more space that we have. My dogs were always big but my german shepard was a mommy’s girl, and was always near me, so she didn’t care about roaming around a big house. i can’t insist that SR take a dog for a walk or out to potty because i can’t. i can’t insist that SR give a dog a bath when i can’t. So i have to let it go. And i am. 🙂 Hmmm…we are more dog people than cat people. i wanted a snuggle buddy and companion and cats believe we are there to serve them. i can’t have small and furry. i accidentally killed a ferret once that i really loved. Blind problems. It was horrendous and i was hysterical. Glad you love the pics, bloated and all. 🙂

  4. butchcountry67 says:

    i too like the pictures , and before you say it…. you are perfect as you are ! and I know you will never admit that because you are a very humble person.

    that salad does look good, it looks like it is really healthy and tasty …. not the here eat this boy, it may kill you kinda healthy that i get fed around here !!

    Dogs really are a lot of work , especially big ones, I never thought that about my own dog in 7 years until this year , I can’t always be home and finding people to take him for a weekend is a real pain , not many in my village understand that he is a harmless twat with a loud bark , they see the rottie in him and assume he will eat their children , they see the shepherd in him and assume that he will dig up their yards .

    Most times I just bring him here with me , but sometimes like this weekend I couldn’t .

    trust me stuffed animals are much neater and you don’t have to run outside naked to let them out to pee at 3 AM !!

    • jadescastle says:

      i’ve had retired racing greyhounds and my girl Jazz, a brilliant german sheapard/chow mix. It’s strange to me to not have a dog around me. So, yes, i know very well how much work they are and how you can’t take them everywhere and so on. The greyhounds were lovely-but one would get up in my face and bark about fifty times a night to go potty. i finally-after years and years of being the only person who took care of them-got my mother to install a dog door. Best investment ever! They were technically her dogs. Jazz was mine and i suppose what i’m really missing is her and the connection we shared. We have flights of stairs here and SR is right that it would be too much on me to get a dog up and down them with a white cane safely.

      Perhaps you could be in charge of making salads? They are healthy. Or smoothies? i don’t see what is bad about pasta, btw. Healthy food doesn’t have to be yucky. Maybe you can make side dishes that are tasty? OTOH: that is why your Daddi looks tough and fit and i never will. 😛 Life is a trade-off boy!

      i am so far from perfect it’s not even funny-but thank you.

      • butchcountry67 says:

        she has me on a no pasta diet for now because I love pasta a bit too much, and all that start and carbs etc are too much being that I don’t run a bazillion miles to burn it off lol

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