Even in M/s circles, having people around us who actually understand our dynamic are few and far in between. It makes us value the few friends who do “get” us a lot. And it’s been awhile since we have all been together.
Even after years of sitting with us in what is essentially a group therapy session, there are still people who do not understand that i never tell her, “no.”
There have been two occasions where i regretfully had to tell her that i simply did not know how to give her what she was asking for. Once was to stop being angry, basically. i simply was not allowed to come home and still be angry. The other time, i didn’t know how to stop having a panic attack that lasted for months after so many years of basic remission.
i have nightmares. i have other obvious symptoms, especially of child abuse. Someone threw something in my direction, that i never saw, and when it hit me i immediately blurted, “i’m sorry,” and then cringed because of how obvious it made the child abuse.
Obviously, i figured out how to do those things, eventually-or i wouldn’t be here. i most assuredly obey and serve her-nothing is more important in my life. My values and actions are aligned-in that i believe a slave must be cheerfully obedient, consistent, diligent, humble, exude tremendous amounts of self discipline, and be honest and trustworthy. These are the main ingredients of slavery, to us, so it doesn’t make sense to me at all when i hear a slave or Master say they “didn’t have time to do their M/s.”
i always think something along the lines of, “What does that mean? You didn’t have time to obey cheerfully, immediately, with self discipline?” Or “What does that mean? You didn’t have time to notice if your slave was obeying you?”
Then my mind wonders to about how long i can take the strap when i’m being punished-like fifteen minutes-tops? It is a matter of priorities-not time. i’m pretty positive she could bring me to my begging/pleaded/trying to crawl in the wall spot inside of ten minutes or less, if she wanted to. So, no, i don’t believe it is a matter of time unless privacy is at a premium. i was a mommy too, so i fully get that one.
Perhaps significantly more time needs to be paid to honesty, i think, because of it being an incredibly hard thing to tell your Master hard information. At the end of the day, though, the only slave she has is me. And if she can’t trust me, who can she trust?
Still, one doesn’t blurt out, “Well, Master, you are failing in two needs being met,” you know?
i’m generally her biggest fan. i compliment and thank her daily. i believe that it is just as easy to notice a person doing something right, kind, loving, and comment upon that. That goes both directions, ideally. i listen to her days, care about her comfort, hold her secrets, provide her with space and quiet, offer warmth and service daily. So, its atypical to focus on areas of improvement, with her-but i’m the only person who can give her that information. She is the only person who can tell me i’m a good girl, or a good slave, and get me to fully accept that information. It feels good when other people, who know our real lives, have never doubted the sincerity of my slavery. That reflects well on my Master.
It reflects that we have a home where we live Mastery and slavery. There are times i ran away, but i also came home-knowing i’d be punished. That says a lot as well. We have never had any interactions, as equals. i know i would have been a servant to her, no matter what other words we had used to describe our relationship. If we were less steeped in M/s, there are a lot of things which would be different-but not the values i spoke of before. We might live in a different building, but definitely a larger apartment. We need a better layout, basically, because i’m obsessed with Sir Raven having a writers nook. Sir Raven has a spanking bench that i’ve never seen somewhere in this apartment. i think if we had a spot for BDSM, that would help a great deal as well. We live in New York, so a room may have to be divided up into parts for different activities. Thats fine. It would be very hard to leave this area, for both of us. It’s home. There is no place like home.
Even if we painted the apartment, and figured out a different layout with different furniture, and ceiling to floor closet space on one wall-that would be great. It would make the space we have seem much larger. i want a stack washer and dryer, and a kitchen overhaul if we are staying here. None of these choices are mine. All of them would be, if i wasn’t a slave. i’d just do it and tell her how much money i would need for everything. Heh. i’m trying to think of what that would be like and start laughing. In other homes, the Master could consider that a service and just have a set of parameters to abide by. There is enough room in m/s to create the kind of relationship you want together. That is its magic. i do have colors in mind, just in case. ❤
Living room idea http://www.benjaminmoore.com/en-us/paint-color/softjazz
and i’m obsessed with Martha Stewards colors https://www.google.com/search?q=robins+egg+blue+paint+martha+stewart&espv=2&biw=1265&bih=641&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiEgveRs_jNAhXCwj4KHca8DmcQsAQILw&dpr=2 and https://www.google.com/search?q=ballet+pink+martha+stewart&espv=2&biw=1265&bih=641&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiD3r-8s_jNAhVQET4KHQY3BKsQsAQIHg