It’s 2am. Again.
I’m exhausted, and cannot sleep.
My hair hurts.
My eyes hurt badly. We are checking into new glasses and an eye exam for me. i’m hopeful Sir Raven lets me just go to lenscrafters and be done.
Which reminds me-whilst i was online at Family Dollar, some perfect Asshole decided that he would comment about what he thought of my eye conditions (Can you see perfect? Can you see me?). This whole interaction came after me nearly walking into a car which was in the crosswalk, and a similar enough color to the street that i couldn’t see it. Then, in a dash for the bus, i ran into what Sir Raven told me was some suitcases or something sitting in the path that i also never saw. Then this-in the same day.
So, there was a man there and i went straight to stand online for what i needed. He was right in front of me, apparently saw the white cane, and felt that gave him free license to say aloud that i could “see fine” and conduct his own impromptu eye exam on line by taking his white cell phone and moving it up close to my face and shaking it to decide for himself if i could see it or not. Undeterred, he repeated the same thing many times, and i frankly thought he was going to hit me. i could not understand what was going on. Then i put the pieces together. He was moving the cell phone around at different points, near my head, where if i had periphial vision i’d be able to see it.
i truly have no idea what this guy was thinking. Somehow, if you have a visual disability people treat your body like it is some kind of public property. They also comment about all types of things, as if blindness and deafness are one thing. Spoiler alert-they aren’t. Blind people can hear you. We can also feel you. Please avoid staring, following, touching, and other creepy behaviors.
i have had people touch me kindly. Once, a woman noting that my top button was undone, kept moving hands toward me and stopping repeatedly. Then, her maternal warmth took over her hands and she just did up my coat.
Sometimes, the only reason i even know what is going on is there is a high color contrast like the black man with the white phone, and figure out what happened later. Or seeing what was likely fluttering hands that went with the woman who buttoned my coat and adjusted my scarf, like i was a young child.
Sometimes, its a well meaning person who is touching and tapping my shoulder, never realizing that this is very painful place to touch me.
Sometimes, it is just too much, and i go to bed and cry.