I’ve been doing tons of research, consulting everything from prison journals, nursing journals, studies, trials, All The Things-
and i’m seeing a puzzle just begging to be put together.
i have a class in research, and it inspired the searching and reading and synthesizing. From it all, i have deduced that Hebbian learning can take place in people with antisocial personality disorder with traditional CBT, social training, and combining therapeutic touch with music and movement. Since i can’t actually carry out the research, and my professor seems unlikely to want a tome on the topic, i decided to scratch the idea.
i was explaining it all to Sir Raven last night, but she was nonplused. She thinks that if it was all combined early enough, it could work. And i’d agree. But-but-i can’t just write off the idea that sociopaths cannot learn to understand at least two forms of empathy and learn to experience remorse. Even if it is just for those in their tribe.
i think that with enough time i could put together a comprehensive review, because i found some really excellent studies on empathy, ways to measure it and teach it. It was conducted and published for nursing and doctoral students, so it is highly unlikely to reach segments. Just as the journals of studies for the Penal system may not be reviewed by people conducting therapy with clients with personality disorder. i can see how it all works together, and i’m positively itching to be able to put it all together and get it published.
i just can’t do it for this class. Sigh.
Anyhow, i was delighted to discover i’m not the only person interested in this topic in the class. i think i have an odd advantage, in that i have some thinking patterns from being raised by and with people who are antisocial. i have definitely acted against social norms and rules in favor of protecting family members. i have some autism traits, and there is sufficient overlap there, though much of that could be from being actively taught to disregard rules that were not family rules. i experience all forms of empathy and tremendous remorse though, thankfully.
i want to believe that even the most complicated cases of maladaptive behavior can be changed, if the person wants to change.
So, anyhow, i’m knee deep in research. i’m still loving our new place, working hard to keep it clean and organized, and jugging two classes and a full schedule of Pride Events coming up. i’m trying to stay caught up and work ahead where i can, so i still have time and energy to enjoy Pride events. Every year i plead to go to the march, and every year Sir Raven reminds me of all of the reasons why we can’t go. 😦 Somehow, i really wish i could get a few days a year of not being in pain or disabled. If i did, i’d totally use one for Pride. Last year, we saw the very end, and i was overwhelmed to see how many people simply didn’t hate us. i was kind of hoping Sir Raven would let us peek at the end again, but she scheduled a lot of other stuff instead. Bar nights, botanical garden visit for their pride night and the Chihuly night exhibit, Folsom East, and my birthday.
Sir Raven went to work on the hutch, and i took before and after pics, because it was so beautiful. i smile every time i walk into my Cinderella kitchen. She is making great strides in not putting things off. i think i finally found a quiet way to let her know about my needs. She has discovered that our bedroom is big enough to use her whip, and i continue to get a delicious reminder days later, when i sit down. We haven’t jumped over the edge together in a damn long time, and my sense is we both need that, but we are getting there. i appreciate her taking our relationship and making it more of a priority, taking the time for us.
We are both more affectionate with each other overall. We are happy, working hard, playing hard. It is so much more than enough.